I actually liked the underwear on the outside bit

So... I've noticed that for a so-called 'advice column', I've been remarkably terrible about actually giving any advice to petitioners. At least I haven't been charging these supposed petitioners for my services. Anyhow, here goes one from the comments a long ways back. Edited for my own personal enjoyment:

Dear wiggin,

If you are living the life of a superhero, what kinds of things would you give up your superhero status for.. assuming the usual problems of wanting to do good, but having identity problems where you can't tell anyone what you're really doing?

Meow,

Meowmix Chatul

Ms. Chatul,

First off, I must congratulate you for the correct capitalization of my name. I know you didn't actually write that (I added it), but it warms my heart to see it done correctly. Kinda like Harry S Truman. But instead it's Ender 'matlabfreak' wiggin. Odd, eh?

Hmm... now to answer your question, that's a tough one. Using my amazingly in-depth knowledge of superhero lore*, I will proceed to leave you breathless at the genius of my answers. The answer depends on a lot of factors. What are my powers? If I were Superman, now that would be pretty cool... but Batman? I mean, the guy's just got a cool costume and a hot car, but no impressive powers. Er... if you know any other superhero powers, you're ahead of me.

Another thing: Do I get to keep my powers after giving up my status? After all, what do superheros have other than their powers? Just a lot of headaches with changing costumes, almost getting killed by the bad guys, foiling criminals and evil masterminds alike.

And they don't even get lucky with the ladies, either! It's possible that not every part of Superman is super, but I think that most ladies would somehow be willing to overlook some things in order to date Superman, right? *Shrugs* Yet somehow he never manages to get anywhere with Lois (uh... that is, I think so. Did they ever get together?).

Lastly, there's the bit about all those weird outfits. Those capes and skintight suits with underwear on the outside and weird hats and stuff... not really my scene.

So, there you go! Sounds pretty simple - keep the powers, get the girls, wear jeans. Without any of that 'I'll get you next time!' stuff. What could be better?

Until the next time I feel like blowing off a real post,

Wiggin

(*) I read a comic once. Well, half of one.